help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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