Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
