I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
