she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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