AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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