And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
