Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
