So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
