i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
