all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
