I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
