I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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