sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
