You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
