Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
