she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
