How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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