Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
