i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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