I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
