OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
