I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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