my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
