there's paper in my vomit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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