I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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