I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
