I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize