Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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