Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
