Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
