Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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