I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
