I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize