I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
