I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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