I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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