she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
