why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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