im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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