Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
