i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
