You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
