Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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