who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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