I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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