Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
