yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
