he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
