he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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