Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
