This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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