My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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