youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
