R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
