so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
