I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
