I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
