You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
