I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
