we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
