I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
