Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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