I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize