Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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