i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
