Umm I'm too high to move.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
