Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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