Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
