This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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