I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
