is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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