She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize