I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
