I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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