It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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