Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize