when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
