I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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