she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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