I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
