I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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