white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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