At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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