i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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