Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
