On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
