omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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