tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drake has all the answers
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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