sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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