Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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