with your own penis?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
