i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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