I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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