And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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