he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
