Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
