there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
