A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
